


Lying Still

by inkillusions



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-13
Updated: 2011-11-13
Packaged: 2017-10-26 01:30:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/277062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inkillusions/pseuds/inkillusions
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are a lot of things that Dean wants, though he knows that some things he shouldn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lying Still

Dean sighed and opened his eyes, the pain in his chest crushing him, making it impossible to sleep. He looked over at his brother lying on his side next to him, his brow furrowed as he slept.

In Dean's bed.

He knew exactly how wrong this was. It didn't take a fucking rocket scientist to point out that he had some serious fucking issues. And he had tried to stop it, actually tried not to let it begin in the first place. But his weakness overpowered any strength that he had and he succumbed, each and every time.

His weakness, of course, being Sam.

But he wanted and he hated himself for wanting. Hated Sam for making him want. Hated his dad for making this their life. Hated that fucking demon for taking away all of their lives because it wasn't supposed to be like this. None of it was supposed to turn out like this. But it was what it was and he had no choice but to deal.

Sometimes the bitter tang of realization made him wretch, made his eyes burn when he thought of the life he wished for his brother. As much as it would kill Dean to give him up, to have to go through this alone - because there was no other life for him - he would give Sam the freedom to meet a nice girl and try and settle down. To have that safe life that he talked about wanting. Just because he was fucked up, he didn't have to drag Sammy down that same path.

But there they were, stumbling down that path together. Dusty and beaten bloody, not sure of what the next town would bring, the next call, the next encounter.

Would they both make it out alive?

"Dean."

Sam's voice was soft like his eyes as he smiled at him, reaching his hand out to touch Dean. He didn't deserve this. Not in the least fucking bit. Sam should be giving this love to someone else.

"Dean? What's wrong?"

And this was the moment where he could confess, where he could say something hateful and drive Sammy away from him, forcing him to seek that apple pie life away from Dean. Or he could tell him the truth about why this couldn't happen again - which would probably drive Sam away from him anyway.

Instead, "Nothing. Just thinking."

The response he received was an even broader smile from Sam who moved closer to him, wrapping his arm around Dean and resting his head on his shoulder.

"Don't do that. You might break something."

Dean pressed his face in Sam's hair, smelling the scent of cheap shampoo and flowery conditioner as he tried to tamp down the sickness that roiled around in his stomach. He knew that he had created this situation; that he was the one responsible and he wasn't sure what he was going to do. No matter what, he was going to do what was best for Sam because it was still his job to protect Sam.

But for now, he decided to just give in to the warmth draped partially over him.

"Go back to sleep, Sammy."

~


End file.
